Didn’t Realize So Much Time Had Passed…

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[Trigger warning ⚠️ ]

I have not been on my blog since 2016?!?!?! Wow! So much has happened in between that I didn’t realize how much time had passed since I wrote about my journey…this is probably going to be a long one so bear with me!

Within the last couple of years, I have changed jobs, gotten licensed in my career field, had and ended a relationship, and experienced bouts of depression that were pretty significant. All the while, my health has taken a backseat and I got (un)comfortably complacent. To be completely transparent, my family has also gone through quite the bout of health issues and I found myself at Kaiser so often in support of them, fighting for them/along side them, and feeling emotionally exhausted that I was no longer focusing on how I could turn my own situation around. It usually takes a health scare within my family in order for me to start doing something about it and the latest one really put things into perspective.

I realized this past week that I have really allowed myself to use my concern and fear for others as a crutch at times too. I shoulda, coulda, woulda done so many things differently but I was starting to feel powerless/hopeless. The other revelation that I had was: I don’t want the same issues happening to me and that if I don’t get it together, I will die! I know that is hella morbid but my issues have not been as apparent as: hypertension, diabetes, etc. doesn’t mean that I am not killing myself ever-so slowly. Instead, at almost 30 years old: my knees hurt (arthritis), I have plantar fasciitis (heel issue), and borderline high blood pressure. I have almost exceeded my highest weight…again. I have been scared to say that aloud for the longest time because it makes it real! How can I be a champion for everyone else but I am an afterthought when it comes to my health? Because I am not putting the same significance of going to the hospital to what I am going through? I do minimize because I want everyone around me to be fine, and I am perceived as the one who can, will, does have their ducks in a row, even to myself.

When I had an emotional moment, where I cried in my car (to my best friend), I realized that something had to change…AGAIN! I have to take my health seriously and not allow myself to become so overwhelmed with the WHOLE picture and take control of the things that I can change.

  1. Soooo…when I learned that there was a person in the Bay who does meal prep for people I was like YAAAAASSSSS, and decided to take advantage of this opportunity. One of the things that I have allowed to be a stumbling block for myself is not wanting to cook weekly. Each day, my schedule looks different and I only have one day of the week off (Saturday), by the time it comes, I am pooped but need to get ready for Sunday (Private Practice). It’s only been two days since I started eating my meals but I am loving what I have tried so far. It is helping me to have 3 meals a day and I can have additional things during the week, going to 5-6 small meals a day.
  2. One of my Sorors is doing another weight loss challenge, which also came right on time. I can now focus on if I lose weight, I may get some coin too! LOL! (Every bit helps). This is a way that I know I have to be accountable to not only myself but to the collective.
  3. I am engaging a Monthly Workout Record, both on paper and through MyFitnessPal/Fitbit
  4. Workout in the mornings that I go in later to work, and workout in the evenings that I leave by 5ish. I am trying to do at least 3-4 days of workouts.
  5. Increase my water intake, 75oz preferably, but I will take what I can get at this point.

This is what I am trying for the month and I will allow myself the grace to mess up and pick myself back up! I have a tendency to wallow in what I have done wrong that I don’t show myself any kindness on what has gone right!

I’d be open to feedback and additional suggestions! I have a tendency to fall off on accountability partners but I really do want one!

❤ Amber

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